Perimenopause or Whatever this shit is.

 Man...  This stage is the worst in terms of my body and my mind. 

It was already hard out here for a pimp with the constant thinking and restless nights.. Thinking of a future I may not even see due to the state of the world now. So I've made a conscious effort to live IN THE PRESENT. 

Doctors tell women in my age range that they cannot diagnose us with menopause until our cycle has stopped for a full year. 

Well, howdy do! If your cycle already was showing up when and how it wanted to, then this could be a never ending cycle of deep dark thoughts, up and down emotions and crying fits about something you think you missed out on.

Be all that as it may. There are things I missed out on. A plethora of them if you will and that's "ok" to say out loud or in this case, write it. For some reason this is shamed and we are always told to think of it in a good way.. Use it to your benefit.. Make lemonade out of lemons. I get it. I get it all and the point of seeing the bright side. I think I concentrate so much on seeing the bright side that I never let myself dwell in my real emotions. Its OK to feel your feels.  

Another thing; You always hear that "you attract what you are". I believe that.... The grey area though is that we all change and are no longer interested in what we attracted when we were the other person. Especially if the person you chose to be your partner or your friend has never changed when you did... It didn't even have to be a change on the same day.. A gradual change would have sufficed.  

They no longer fit with your new way of life. Being an empath is frustrating because you never want to be a mean person and you understand everyone's plight. All the different nuances, reasons and seasons of why your people are the way they are. SO WHAT! Is what I want to say sometimes. Thems the brakes lady!! lol, I no longer like it. 

I no longer like people that do not care about politics and the state of the world. We are all grown as hell. It all matters. We all need to know what's going on and to prepare for anything that may flow our way. If you are with someone that has no interest in anything of the sort, your ass is going to be SOL. Where is your protector?  Love cannot carry unpreparedness, and someone that could care less about shit hitting the fan. If you are constantly the person concerned and your partner or friends change the "conversation channel" when these things come up... Then its time to cancel their subscriptions down from premium to a regular ass channel in your life... Feel me? Do they ever bring anything to YOUR attention? Do they continue the conversations you were concerned about, back up to you and have any new insights?  Or once you bring it up its never spoken about again.. 

I placed it in a friends and a significate other bubble as those are primarily going to be the two groups you deal with on a regular. If you have none of those that share your interest you should find other ones in my opinion. You cannot continue to beat a dead horse into submission. Its obviously just not their bag.. and that's fine. Find some people that your interest are "their bag". Spend more time with those people and less with people where your mind isn't fulfilled. Of course I feel this is not an easy task in your late 40's, but you cannot be beholden to unhappiness. After pouring into yourself and others all the time, you will become depleted and eventually angry if you are in your perimenopause stage. *Shrug*. 

Tis what it tis and ain't what it aint. 

Its times up and time out. What are we here for? We are not in our 20's or even 30's anymore. If you cant meet my standards, I should no longer have to dwell in that space. Its unfair to myself and to the other people if we no longer gain anything on a spiritual or real level anymore. Only survival and titles. Trama bonds and familiarity. 

Tru Straub.