My Stone in the Storm

Sometimes right when you think all hope is lost and God/The Universe is not listening to your prayers he sends a raft.. I was speaking to my neighbor on our morning walk and she was speaking of the man that was stranded on a deserted island in the middle of nowhere.. 

I'm sure some of you may have heard the tale.. It goes he asked God for a sign.. A clear way off the island.. God sends a boat.. The man dismisses the boat away.. God then sends a raft.. The man shoos* the raft away.. He then proceeds to ask God why he isn't listening to him and sending him assistance. God answers and states " I sent you a boat and you didn't take it. I sent you a raft and you didn't take that either.. I answered your prayers and you missed each opportunity I sent you". So the man was then left stranded to fend for himself and his own devices for a way off the island.. 

God will actually do this in life. I stated before that I always get signs.. This would be no different. I lie there in my bed one night, spent emotionally.. Actually in mid breakdown from emotional turmoil that I was having a problem letting go of.. I prayed a lot in my solidarity, pain, hurt and despair I was experiencing.. At that moment I received a message in my inbox..... Now this particular Angel I was sent was patient, kind and sent at what I thought was the most inopportune time in my life. It was not what I was looking for by any means.. I ignored them a good 3 times when they kept popping up in my life initially, on my computer screen.. Our compatibility was a match by someone else's standards.. Me not looking to be compatible for anyone in that time was so not here for it..  I kept saying God himself would have to come sit down on the edge of my bed and tell me this is what it's supposed to be as I was STILL ignoring it.. 

Me thinking I was never getting that answer, I kept on about my life but kept the contact in my phone.. Something would never fully let me close the chapter.. So we ended up building a bond.. I was not into titles still at all as I've learned everything has to start with friendship PERIOD. If we didn't have that, that for me would end up being a hard NO. We took trips together, spent time together, made memories, laugh lots, confided in one another on past hurts and shameful things that we both experienced with no judgement either way.. 

In between time and the meantime, others came in and out of my life that were not meant to be there. Me still not wanting anything serious due to unnecessary drama I was placing myself through, when I was supposed to be sitting my little self down somewhere healing. I still would not bulge as I thought at that point they would be completely turned off. I hadn't been single in 6 years at that point and was not ready to commit without dating around. Had the shoe been on the other foot I cannot say I would have had the same patience as I was emotionally broken and had no patience forreal. I was no where near my best self in those moments..  

In building the bond we were building, however they knew that I held no one above their place in my life truly and they were patient in their own way.. Its still hard to put into words fully step by step on how things transpired. 

The understood doesn't have to always be said, but I always make it my business to let HER know she has been my boat, my raft, MY ARC when the world sank around me and never was the same again. My breath of fresh air when I was suffocating and could not breath on my own. My legs when I literally thought I'd never walk the same again. My magic Snow White mirror when I no longer felt like the fairest one of all. The details are many.. The tasks were many..  

She has seen me in my darkest hours and held me in silence. Provided a safe haven away from any judgements I would have had to endure in my downtime.. I could be completely naked in that space with her and didn't have to pretend to be anyone else, but me. I had no more strength for that physically.   Holding back her own tears over trials she couldn't physically carry for me in that time.. All the while shielding from me how truly scared she was for me in that time. God gave her strength when I didn't know I needed her in that way. I say all this to say, he knew I would need her when the time arose and she was there for the task.. 

In hindsight now when I think of it I just cry and thank God. Tears I'm sure that were right underneath the surface had he not shielded me from how bad it truly was.  She was chosen for that duty and she stood up to it and continues to do so. CHOOSES to do so. In my complete recovery from where I was last year,  I have to say I must have got something right prior to meeting her that he allowed me that grace. One of his own to cover me.. Literally. There is no way I could repay that. There is no amount of money for that. Unconditional love from someone that doesn't require anything, but that in return. 

There isn't anything I wouldn't do for MY person. When I feel I don't have it all together on certain days I persevere knowing everyday on this side of the dirt is a certified blessing and to be a vessel for anyone that doesn't believe in miracles and prayer. I remain resilient and grateful for the one that was down for me. Every hour is counted now and everything I do is purpose driven. O, all of the different avenues and different cycles I have gone through in the last few years that seem like a blurred memory. Memories I welcome to forget, but the ones you gave me that will be with me for the duration.

That is love to me. 

Tru Straub