Family

Family; A group of people that come from the same ancestor. 

  I've never truly thought about looking up the definition of family until here recently. I think it's coming up now more as I take inventory of my relationships, friendships and interactions with people as a whole. I think I've been looking at it since a young age as something to never truly question as it just is what it is as far as families go. You ride or die with them blindly and just assume that everyone has your best interest at heart and everyone loves you. 

With me being away from my family and always living in another state separate from everyone else, that gave me my own separate identity and my own personal life without everyone being "investigation discovery" into my world. Of course the check in's with your Mother on how everyone is doing is very necessary and I'd like to think I stay abreast of everyone's well being. If I was to find out one of my relatives were ill or not doing so well mentally, I reach out. I've always been that way. Not a text message, but an actual phone call. That's just me. I mean we are family right? Its an unwritten rule to actually reach out and check on them, isn't it? 

In listening to something Rickey Smiley was saying this morning on the radio, it got me to thinking. He stated "family isn't always your blood". That the people you surround yourself with and choose to be around in your everyday life can also be who your family is. They do not have to be blood related. I felt this on a lot of levels. The people that have been there for me and down like 4 flat tires were not my blood relatives.  When I think of who I thought my cousins were to me I see them now as being strangers the older we have gotten. Strangers that could care just as less about you than a co-worker that you happen to sit beside everyday. That is disheartening and hurtful on many levels, due to the fact that in black families a lot of the times we view our cousins as sisters, brothers and friends.  

Family relations are just like friendships. If it isn't watered it doesn't grow. If you are the only one ever watering the plant, who is sustaining the person that is watering the plant? Do you receive the same type of nourishment from others? We as adults try not to be "tit for tat", but when is it ever okay to point things out to people? How will they ever know how you feel if nothing is said in regards to what you do and what they don't do? True enough... People KNOW what they do and don't do.. BUT do those people ever notice that you notice that shit? The saying also goes "close mouths don't get fed". Does that not mean that you need to state how you feel in order to receive something or wake someone up? 

These are all just random thoughts from someone that thinks the most of course.. That does not make any of it less insightful. At what point do people get tired of sweeping things under the rug in families? Doesn't it make your stomach turn to be in someone's presence that you once knew and are now basically strangers? That just seems odd to me. What are the point of these family gatherings and annual vacations with these strangers? I understand the point of keeping traditions going for our ancestors that came before us. That blessed us with being on this earth. If for nothing else I personally do it for that. 

When people in your family pass as they will, will you be resolved in knowing you did all you could to communicate with them to actually get to know them again? Or will you have regrets from how you judged them for choosing a different path than you in life? One you couldn't understand so you'd rather not touch it on any real level. Just keeping it light and fake. 

God forbid any children come across the same obstacles that others were ostracized for.  Maybe you could understand your child more and come at it as an understanding parent had you utilized some people in your family that went through what that child will go through. However, I would not wish that on anyone's child from fear of them being misunderstood and parts of their life being blocked out. 

Food for thought. 

Happy Pride!! 

Tru Straub